POP FICTION

I wish I looked as cute doing anything as Seraphina Affleck does riding a pony.

We all know how I feel about Kate and her coats.

They make my speakers go boom-boom and stuff if you’re new around here.

But this one missed the mark for me. Don’t get me wrong I love the tartan print. (A clear nod to Scotland, where she & Will kicked off a 2-day tour this morning!)

But I do not love the Kardashian-length hem.

And I just feel like this coat is squishing her bump, you know? Let the little gal breath!

Or it could be a guy. I guess. Ugh.

Jennifer Lopez you look exactly like me trying to learn the Pythagorean theorem in 9th grade.

Minus the bronzer and mesh.

Okay there was like a little bronzer involved.

And you should know that I regularly confuse your boyfriend with Pitbull.

Good chat.

Guess I can’t put this off anymore.

Let’s talk about Beyonce. Did she or did she not lip sync?

I kind of think she did you guys. But I feel like if I say that too loudly the government will find me and haul me off to Alcatraz.

You know, I really don’t even see why it matters? We all know the woman can SANG. And we all know she was freezing and nervous and probably pregnant so just give her a break.

And that. Is how you start a rumor.

Plus. It’s not like she pulled an Ashlee Simpson.

If my portraitist portrayed me one lip injection away from Angelina Jolie’s evil(er) twin, I’d subtly give him the bird too.

I love Emma Stone in this red Lanvin dress at the LA premiere of Gangster Squad SO MUCH, that I almost forgot Ryan Gosling was even there.

Almost.

In case you’ve been living under a rock (and it would have to be a pretty big one), Downton Abbey has returned! Want to know my thoughts on the two hour Season 3 premiere?

The answer is no, because by the time I’m finished it will be season 4.

So I’ll just give you the sweetened condensed version.

• What is Laura Linney like, an honorary british person or something?
• O’Brien’s bangs are a little more subtle this season. AND I HATE IT.
• Do we really think Maggie Smith is having to act all that much?
• Lady Edith is the original Jan Brady.
• I can’t wait for Matthew or Branson to snap at Sir Anthony. ”YOU CAN’T SIT WITH US!”
• Okay David’s Bridal. Let’s see the Downton Collection. Chop chop.
• Thomas Barrow has to be a distant relative of Angelina Jolie.
• I was sure Mr. Bates was going to kill his cell mate with a steak knife. Which is just proof of the long lasting and traumatic effects that Law Abiding Citizen has had on me.
• I bet Daisy has a Live Journal. And listens to Good Charlotte.
• WHO INVITED KACIE B? Oh. Wrong show.

So there you have it. Can’t wait for next week’s episode AKA The Lady Edith Show. Really going to run with my Jan Brady analogy. You’ve been warned. 

Sometimes I pretend Richard Gere & Diane Lane are my biological parents.

And my conception obviously took place in the Nights of Rodanthe house.

Which would explain both my love for the beach, and the only Gavin Rossdale song that I actually know, Love Remains the Same.

Maybe it’s my decade long devotion to the movie Honey? Or maybe I just love a good fedora on the beach. But Jessica Alba & Cash Warren are quickly moving up on my list of favorite celebrity couples. Like way up.

I mean not Emma Stone & Andrew Garfield up. (NEVER!) But way above Katy Perry/John Mayer up.

Let’s be honest. Everyone is above Katy & John.

Look. I’m a pretty patient person.

But how long am I going to have to wait for Suri Cruise to debut her clothing line?

What is she waiting for anyways, her 7th Birthday?