April 2013
2 posts
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I wish I looked as cute doing anything as Seraphina Affleck does riding a pony.
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We all know how I feel about Kate and her coats.
They make my speakers go boom-boom and stuff if you’re new around here.
But this one missed the mark for me. Don’t get me wrong I love the tartan print. (A clear nod to Scotland, where she & Will kicked off a 2-day tour this morning!)
But I do not love the Kardashian-length hem.
And I just feel like this coat is squishing her...
January 2013
10 posts
6 tags
Jennifer Lopez you look exactly like me trying to learn the Pythagorean theorem in 9th grade.
Minus the bronzer and mesh.
Okay there was like a little bronzer involved.
And you should know that I regularly confuse your boyfriend with Pitbull.
Good chat.
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Guess I can’t put this off anymore.
Let’s talk about Beyonce. Did she or did she not lip sync?
I kind of think she did you guys. But I feel like if I say that too loudly the government will find me and haul me off to Alcatraz.
You know, I really don’t even see why it matters? We all know the woman can SANG. And we all know she was freezing and nervous and probably pregnant...
9 tags
If my portraitist portrayed me one lip injection away from Angelina Jolie’s evil(er) twin, I’d subtly give him the bird too.
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I love Emma Stone in this red Lanvin dress at the LA premiere of Gangster Squad SO MUCH, that I almost forgot Ryan Gosling was even there.
Almost.
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In case you’ve been living under a rock (and it would have to be a pretty big one), Downton Abbey has returned! Want to know my thoughts on the two hour Season 3 premiere?
The answer is no, because by the time I’m finished it will be season 4.
So I’ll just give you the sweetened condensed version.
What is Laura Linney like, an honorary british person or something?
...
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Sometimes I pretend Richard Gere & Diane Lane are my biological parents.
And my conception obviously took place in the Nights of Rodanthe house.
Which would explain both my love for the beach, and the only Gavin Rossdale song that I actually know, Love Remains the Same.
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Maybe it’s my decade long devotion to the movie Honey? Or maybe I just love a good fedora on the beach. But Jessica Alba & Cash Warren are quickly moving up on my list of favorite celebrity couples. Like way up.
I mean not Emma Stone & Andrew Garfield up. (NEVER!) But way above Katy Perry/John Mayer up.
Let’s be honest. Everyone is above Katy & John.
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Look. I’m a pretty patient person.
But how long am I going to have to wait for Suri Cruise to debut her clothing line?
What is she waiting for anyways, her 7th Birthday?
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Nothing to see here you guys. Just Anne Hathaway riding a ski lift.
In Switzerland.
WITH VALENTINO.
Les miserables my FOOT.
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Kim & Kanye have announced their Kegnancy! And according to reports, the mom-to-be is only about 3 months along, which means that E! will have to wait a few more weeks until this fetus develops the fingers it will need to sign it’s contract.
And you know there will be a contract.
But in the mean time let’s think of pretentious baby names that start with K!
I’m thinking...
December 2012
8 posts
8 tags
This one has me confused. I mean absolutely stumped.
Is this a blossoming romance between two of the world’s most beloved pop stars?
Or is this a holiday Gap ad.
Could go either way. But I’m leaning very strongly towards the Gap ad.
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A weekend in review:
Kate Middleton is still throwing up. Bless her heart.
The cast of Downton Abbey attended a New York Knicks game. Out of costume. Almost went unrecognized.
Kim Kardashian’s kitten died. Have Mercy.
The Mistletones premiered on ABC Family! Because all anyone wants for Christmas is a musical starring Tori Spelling?
Taylor Swift & Harry Styles are still dating....
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Thatta girl, Demi.
Way to show Ashton Kutcher what he’s just got to be missing.
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Duchess Kate has left the building.
The hospital building, that is. She was discharged this morning around 10:45 (London time) and was then whisked away by her prince to their cottage on the grounds of Kensington Palace, where she will remain for a period of rest.
And really, apart from looking a bit pale, Kate looked no worse for wear after spending 4 days in the hospital.
I mean of course...
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Let it be known that Kalingspoon is now a thing.
In this week’s edition of (Hilarious) Ladies Who Lunch, Reese and Mindy met up on Saturday at Tavern Restaurant in LA.
I don’t know what club this is or how to get invited. But I want in.
11 tags
Okay look.
Will & Kate’s royal baby annoucement has left me in cardiac arrest/tears/wet pants, so I’m really in no condition to be writing. But I figure the least I can do is compile a simple list of thoughts for us all to dwell on.
Obviously the most important question. Boy or girl? Is it too much to ask for twins?
Wait if it IS twins…who is the rightful heir? Drama.
...
11 tags
Well well well.
Look who’s adding fuel to their own fire.
Not that it needed any of course. For weeks now, all of Hollywood has been abuzz with whispers of a Harry Style/Taylor Swift romance.
And their stroll in Central Park(!!) this afternoon has turned those whispers into shouts of triumphant joy.
I have to say, I think this relationship has real potential. I expect lots of cable...
November 2012
12 posts
8 tags
Well.
I was really hoping that Kate’s next major life change would have been a child.
But I’ll take fringe bangs.
I mean if you think about it they’re almost the same. Both require lots of patience & work, and most of the time they never do what you want them to.
10 tags
I always thought Eva Mendes was a class act.
But dangling the most coveted man in America right in front of my face, and laughing/wearing that Max Mara coat while doing it?
Well let’s just say Eva you can forget about all those times I cried along with you during the Paris Island scene in Hitch. They mean nothing now! You hear me? NOTHING.
Class act my foot.
7 tags
As a longtime supporter of Sarah Michelle Gellar and Freddy Prinze Jr., I was obviously elated when they announced they were expecting their second child.
I followed Sarah’s pregnancy very closely, careful to never miss a day of her boho chic baby bump style.
But when I found out that they named their little one Rocky, as in Balboa/Top, I do believe I passed out? I at least know things...
7 tags
If I had to wear one outfit for the rest of my life, it would be this one.
I’m not kidding either. And yes, I know a green sequined pencil skirt isn’t exactly going to work for every occasion. But that is a risk I am more than willing to take.
I mean think of all the times it WOULD work.
Christmas & New Years, obviously. Your Birthday. A Taylor Swift concert. Picture Day. When...
4 tags
Kristen Stewart didn’t anyone tell you?
Brothel chic is out.
Unless of course you’re going to a Madonna concert.
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Can we please talk about Ben Affleck’s ability to rock winter layers?
Let’s be honest, cold weather is rolling in and dressing properly for the dropping temps is a kind of art form. Especially for the male species.
We’ve seen it done wrong, (I won’t name names but KANYE) and now thankfully Ben, pictured here with his wife Jennifer Garner, shows men all across America...
7 tags
As a woman, there is nothing more detrimental to your self confidence than staring at Carrie Underwood in a gorgeous gown.
Except for maybe staring at her in TWELVE gorgeous gowns.
For three hours.
Remind me why I watched the CMA’s again?
Ohhh yeah. Luke Bryan.
8 tags
Call me crazy.
But I kind of miss the days when Taylor Swift wore her hair curly/any color other than red.
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This is clearly more for Sandra than it is for Louis who, per usual, looks unamused.
Louis Bullock when are you going to get it? Your Mom is America’s sweetheart. She is wearing cowhide chaps for you? You’re holding her hand/a bag full of candy?
Life is looking pretty good for you right now kid.
At least look a little bit pleased with yourself.
7 tags
Well. After a few days to reflect, I’ve decided that this photo of Nahla Aubrey has to be the most terrifying thing I’ve ever seen.
It seems as if she’s dressed to portray some kind of Strawberry Shortcake/Candy Land girl scout character? But her paint job suggests a Memoirs of a Geisha kind of feel.
Either way the poor child is clearly confused. And I think it’s safe...
October 2012
27 posts
6 tags
In what was no doubt a huge thank you for making me endure the unthinkable Swift/Kennedy split, the celebrity couple gods have sent me this image of a hand-holding Emma Stone & Andrew Garfield, down from the heavens above.
And while I am beyond grateful for the gift, this doesn’t exactly rectify the situation.
I mean. I was already well into the process of planning Conor &...
5 tags
Quick. What rhymes with Kennedy?
Taylor Swift and her current beau Conor Kennedy have reportedly parted ways. And if I know Taylor as well as I think I know Taylor, she’s already penning her latest break up ballad.
Do you want to know what the saddest part of this split?
I had already purchased and monogrammed a ridiculously fluffy Ralph Lauren towel set as their engagement gift.
...
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Okay.
You guys know how I feel about Kate Middleton.
And you know how I feel about her wardrobe.
But I hope by now, you also know how I feel about floral embroidery.
It doesn’t exactly make me all warm and fuzzy inside. So obviously tonight’s Alice Temperley dress was a miss for me.
I would venture to say it was probably a miss for everyone? I can imagine even ole’ Alice...
8 tags
Seeing a photo of Justin Timberlake wearing a wedding ring is kind of like standing in front of a chocolate fountain when you’re on a diet.
You can’t have it.
And you know you can’t have it.
But your mouth waters anyway.
5 tags
The scariest thing ever just happened to us, as a country.
And no I’m not talking about the new season of American Horror Story.
I’m referencing the fact that Megan Fox is now a MOTHER.
TO A HUMAN.
Okay okay, I’m only halfway kidding! I’m sure she will be a fantastic parent. But you see, I have to assume the worst at all times, given I have my own personal vendetta against Megan/Brianna...
10 tags
Ladies and gentlemen, have I got treat for you!
Here to wow us with their heart stopping rendition of Diana Ross and Lionel Richie’s Endless Love, are President Barack Obama, and Mr. Mitt Romney.
Take it away, boys.
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I don’t mean to be dramatic here.
But DRAW THE SHADES. LOCK THE DOORS. CANCEL ALL MY APPOINTMENTS FOR THE WEEK.
Jef Holm and Emily Maynard have ended their relationship and I simply cannot go on.
I feel this break up in the pit of my stomach, you know? I had such high hopes for these two.
Now my hopes are lying in the dirt, discarded and trampled upon just like Emily’s Neil Lane...
5 tags
11 tags
This is my third consecutive day being forced to look at photos of Kate in a gorgeous coat.
I’m tired. I’m frustrated. I’m depressed.
At this point, I’ve eaten so much chocolate that I think I need my stomach pumped.
But I feel like Kate sensed that in me? And she has shown me mercy by wearing this black coat while leaving Loulou’s in Mayfair last night.
You...
6 tags
I am so totally *thrilled you guys.
Because after over a decade of emotionally investing myself in Rory Gilmore’s love life, it’s revealed that she ends up with Pete Campbell and NOT Dean Forester!
I mean how **great is that.
*THROWING CHAIRS AT THE WALL
**deeply depressing
6 tags
Excuse me Mila Kunis.
Are those UGGS?
Oh so help me child! If you step out wearing any part of this ensemble again (that includes the greasy pony tail) while on the arm of Ashton Kutcher ONE MORE TIME. I am going to lose it.
Like, Dina Lohan lose it.
You’ve been warned.
9 tags
Another day. Another photo of Kate wearing a coat I would sell my left arm for.
Oh! What a perfect opportunity for a ”Coat of Arms” joke. Does anyone know any?
Never mind. This is no laughing matter. Know why? Because this photo makes me feel inadequate in almost every way. Specifically in the big-hair-tiny-waist-twinkling-smile department.
Never did get that one down pat.
...
7 tags
Suri Cruise does a better Blair Waldorf than Blair Waldorf herself.
And then of course there’s Katie. Who is wearing leggings as pants and forgot to brush her hair.
So we’ll just go ahead and call her Serena.
11 tags
Enough already, Kate.
WE GET IT. Your outerwear collection deserves it’s own museum exhibit.
I mean forget the Crown Jewels. I’d take this gray Reiss Angel coat over them all.
And yes that includes the Cullinan Diamond.
Oh. Um wow. I guess now that I’ve admitted to all of you that I would refuse a 530 carat diamond just to own this coat, I should go rethink some things.
...
8 tags
I know it seems kind of early.
But I think it’s time to lace up our skates?
Because WHY ELSE would Jennifer Aniston possibly have an engagement ring so disgustingly huge, unless she was planning on also using it as a public ice skating rink.
Oh that Jen. I mean what a sweetheart!
Good thing I’ve been practicing my triple axel.
5 tags
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