21 3 / 2014

No matter what angle I stare at this photo from, Kim’s Mona Lisa eyes are burning into my soul and I don’t like it. 

Not that I’m staring at this photo. 

I’m definitely not.

No matter what angle I stare at this photo from, Kim’s Mona Lisa eyes are burning into my soul and I don’t like it.

Not that I’m staring at this photo.

I’m definitely not.

20 3 / 2014

Well well well. 

Look who’s back.

That’s not a trick question. 

It’s me. I’m back. 

It’s been a year. Over a year? Since my last blog post. Where have I been? Well you see I went into a sort of, pop culture hibernation, you could say. But Spring is here now and just like the hazy-eyed momma grizzly, emerging from her den after a long winters nap, I am hungry. 

Nay. I am ravenous. 

And the only thing that could possibly appease my appetite? 

My one. My only. My fave celebrity couple. 

I would literally feast on this picture but I gave up eating photographs for lent so. 

I mean I just love you guys & I’ve missed you so much.

Relax I’m talking to Andrew & Emma not you. 

Anyway to myself, welcome back. To my readers, um welcome back. 

And if you’re new. Just, regular welcome.

Well well well.

Look who’s back.

That’s not a trick question.

It’s me. I’m back.

It’s been a year. Over a year? Since my last blog post. Where have I been? Well you see I went into a sort of, pop culture hibernation, you could say. But Spring is here now and just like the hazy-eyed momma grizzly, emerging from her den after a long winters nap, I am hungry.

Nay. I am ravenous.

And the only thing that could possibly appease my appetite?

My one. My only. My fave celebrity couple.

I would literally feast on this picture but I gave up eating photographs for lent so.

I mean I just love you guys & I’ve missed you so much.

Relax I’m talking to Andrew & Emma not you.

Anyway to myself, welcome back. To my readers, um welcome back.

And if you’re new. Just, regular welcome.

08 4 / 2013

I wish I looked as cute doing anything as Seraphina Affleck does riding a pony.

04 4 / 2013

We all know how I feel about Kate and her coats.

They make my speakers go boom-boom and stuff if you’re new around here.

But this one missed the mark for me. Don’t get me wrong I love the tartan print. (A clear nod to Scotland, where she & Will kicked off a 2-day tour this morning!)

But I do not love the Kardashian-length hem.

And I just feel like this coat is squishing her bump, you know? Let the little gal breath!

Or it could be a guy. I guess. Ugh.

25 1 / 2013

Jennifer Lopez you look exactly like me trying to learn the Pythagorean theorem in 9th grade.

Minus the bronzer and mesh.

Okay there was like a little bronzer involved.

And you should know that I regularly confuse your boyfriend with Pitbull.

Good chat.

23 1 / 2013

image

Guess I can’t put this off anymore.

Let’s talk about Beyonce. Did she or did she not lip sync?

I kind of think she did you guys. But I feel like if I say that too loudly the government will find me and haul me off to Alcatraz.

You know, I really don’t even see why it matters? We all know the woman can SANG. And we all know she was freezing and nervous and probably pregnant so just give her a break.

And that. Is how you start a rumor.

Plus. It’s not like she pulled an Ashlee Simpson.

12 1 / 2013

If my portraitist portrayed me one lip injection away from Angelina Jolie’s evil(er) twin, I’d subtly give him the bird too.

08 1 / 2013

I love Emma Stone in this red Lanvin dress at the LA premiere of Gangster Squad SO MUCH, that I almost forgot Ryan Gosling was even there.

Almost.

08 1 / 2013

In case you’ve been living under a rock (and it would have to be a pretty big one), Downton Abbey has returned! Want to know my thoughts on the two hour Season 3 premiere?

The answer is no, because by the time I’m finished it will be season 4.

So I’ll just give you the sweetened condensed version.

  • What is Laura Linney like, an honorary british person or something?
  • O’Brien’s bangs are a little more subtle this season. AND I HATE IT.
  • Do we really think Maggie Smith is having to act all that much?
  • Lady Edith is the original Jan Brady.
  • I can’t wait for Matthew or Branson to snap at Sir Anthony. ”YOU CAN’T SIT WITH US!”
  • Okay David’s Bridal. Let’s see the Downton Collection. Chop chop.
  • Thomas Barrow has to be a distant relative of Angelina Jolie.
  • I was sure Mr. Bates was going to kill his cell mate with a steak knife. Which is just proof of the long lasting and traumatic effects that Law Abiding Citizen has had on me.
  • I bet Daisy has a Live Journal. And listens to Good Charlotte.
  • WHO INVITED KACIE B? Oh. Wrong show.

So there you have it. Can’t wait for next week’s episode AKA The Lady Edith Show. Really going to run with my Jan Brady analogy. You’ve been warned. 

06 1 / 2013

Sometimes I pretend Richard Gere & Diane Lane are my biological parents.

And my conception obviously took place in the Nights of Rodanthe house.

Which would explain both my love for the beach, and the only Gavin Rossdale song that I actually know, Love Remains the Same.