POP FICTION

I wish I looked as cute doing anything as Seraphina Affleck does riding a pony.

Mon, 08 Apr 2013 20:18:09 -0400

I wish I looked as cute doing anything as Seraphina Affleck does riding a pony.

We all know how I feel about Kate and her coats. They make my speakers go boom-boom and stuff if...

Thu, 04 Apr 2013 12:46:39 -0400

We all know how I feel about Kate and her coats.

They make my speakers go boom-boom and stuff if you’re new around here.

But this one missed the mark for me. Don’t get me wrong I love the tartan print. (A clear nod to Scotland, where she & Will kicked off a 2-day tour this morning!)

But I do not love the Kardashian-length hem.

And I just feel like this coat is squishing her bump, you know? Let the little gal breath!

Or it could be a guy. I guess. Ugh.

Jennifer Lopez you look exactly like me trying to learn the Pythagorean theorem in 9th grade. Minus...

Fri, 25 Jan 2013 14:29:03 -0500

Jennifer Lopez you look exactly like me trying to learn the Pythagorean theorem in 9th grade.

Minus the bronzer and mesh.

Okay there was like a little bronzer involved.

And you should know that I regularly confuse your boyfriend with Pitbull.

Good chat.

Guess I can’t put this off anymore. Let’s talk about Beyonce. Did she or did she not...

Wed, 23 Jan 2013 09:29:00 -0500

Guess I can’t put this off anymore.

Let’s talk about Beyonce. Did she or did she not lip sync?

I kind of think she did you guys. But I feel like if I say that too loudly the government will find me and haul me off to Alcatraz.

You know, I really don’t even see why it matters? We all know the woman can SANG. And we all know she was freezing and nervous and probably pregnant so just give her a break.

And that. Is how you start a rumor.

Plus. It’s not like she pulled an Ashlee Simpson.

If my portraitist portrayed me one lip injection away from Angelina Jolie’s evil(er) twin,...

Sat, 12 Jan 2013 10:15:53 -0500

If my portraitist portrayed me one lip injection away from Angelina Jolie’s evil(er) twin, I’d subtly give him the bird too.

I love Emma Stone in this red Lanvin dress at the LA premiere of Gangster Squad SO MUCH, that I...

Tue, 08 Jan 2013 22:04:44 -0500

I love Emma Stone in this red Lanvin dress at the LA premiere of Gangster Squad SO MUCH, that I almost forgot Ryan Gosling was even there.

Almost.

In case you’ve been living under a rock (and it would have to be a pretty big one), Downton...

Tue, 08 Jan 2013 17:08:49 -0500

In case you’ve been living under a rock (and it would have to be a pretty big one), Downton Abbey has returned! Want to know my thoughts on the two hour Season 3 premiere?

The answer is no, because by the time I’m finished it will be season 4.

So I’ll just give you the sweetened condensed version.

What is Laura Linney like, an honorary british person or something?
O’Brien’s bangs are a little more subtle this season. AND I HATE IT.
Do we really think Maggie Smith is having to act all that much?
Lady Edith is the original Jan Brady.
I can’t wait for Matthew or Branson to snap at Sir Anthony. ”YOU CAN’T SIT WITH US!”
Okay David’s Bridal. Let’s see the Downton Collection. Chop chop.
Thomas Barrow has to be a distant relative of Angelina Jolie.
I was sure Mr. Bates was going to kill his cell mate with a steak knife. Which is just proof of the long lasting and traumatic effects that Law Abiding Citizen has had on me.
I bet Daisy has a Live Journal. And listens to Good Charlotte.
WHO INVITED KACIE B? Oh. Wrong show.

So there you have it. Can’t wait for next week’s episode AKA The Lady Edith Show. Really going to run with my Jan Brady analogy. You’ve been warned.

Sometimes I pretend Richard Gere & Diane Lane are my biological parents. And my conception...

Sun, 06 Jan 2013 15:11:28 -0500

Sometimes I pretend Richard Gere & Diane Lane are my biological parents.

And my conception obviously took place in the Nights of Rodanthe house.

Which would explain both my love for the beach, and the only Gavin Rossdale song that I actually know, Love Remains the Same.

Maybe it’s my decade long devotion to the movie Honey? Or maybe I just love a good fedora on...

Sat, 05 Jan 2013 11:55:47 -0500

Maybe it’s my decade long devotion to the movie Honey? Or maybe I just love a good fedora on the beach. But Jessica Alba & Cash Warren are quickly moving up on my list of favorite celebrity couples. Like way up.

I mean not Emma Stone & Andrew Garfield up. (NEVER!) But way above Katy Perry/John Mayer up.

Let’s be honest. Everyone is above Katy & John.

Look. I’m a pretty patient person. But how long am I going to have to wait for Suri Cruise...

Thu, 03 Jan 2013 14:24:15 -0500

Look. I’m a pretty patient person.

But how long am I going to have to wait for Suri Cruise to debut her clothing line?

What is she waiting for anyways, her 7th Birthday?

Nothing to see here you guys. Just Anne Hathaway riding a ski lift. In Switzerland. WITH...

Wed, 02 Jan 2013 21:06:37 -0500

Nothing to see here you guys. Just Anne Hathaway riding a ski lift.

In Switzerland.

WITH VALENTINO.

Les miserables my FOOT.

Kim & Kanye have announced their Kegnancy! And according to reports, the mom-to-be is only...

Tue, 01 Jan 2013 11:19:39 -0500

Kim & Kanye have announced their Kegnancy! And according to reports, the mom-to-be is only about 3 months along, which means that E! will have to wait a few more weeks until this fetus develops the fingers it will need to sign it’s contract.

And you know there will be a contract.

But in the mean time let’s think of pretentious baby names that start with K!

I’m thinking Kadillac if it’s a boy. Kristal if it’s a girl. Like the champagne.

But with a K.

Obviously.

This one has me confused. I mean absolutely stumped. Is this a blossoming romance between two of...

Thu, 13 Dec 2012 19:55:43 -0500

This one has me confused. I mean absolutely stumped.

Is this a blossoming romance between two of the world’s most beloved pop stars?

Or is this a holiday Gap ad.

Could go either way. But I’m leaning very strongly towards the Gap ad.

A weekend in review: Kate Middleton is still throwing up. Bless her heart. The cast of Downton...

Mon, 10 Dec 2012 08:42:25 -0500

A weekend in review:

Kate Middleton is still throwing up. Bless her heart.
The cast of Downton Abbey attended a New York Knicks game. Out of costume. Almost went unrecognized.
Kim Kardashian’s kitten died. Have Mercy.
The Mistletones premiered on ABC Family! Because all anyone wants for Christmas is a musical starring Tori Spelling?
Taylor Swift & Harry Styles are still dating. (Happy 1 Week you guys!)
And wearing the same jeans.
Ryan Gosling still looks ridiculously attractive in cardigans.

Thatta girl, Demi. Way to show Ashton Kutcher what he’s just got to be missing.

Thu, 06 Dec 2012 11:22:00 -0500

Thatta girl, Demi.

Way to show Ashton Kutcher what he’s just got to be missing.

Duchess Kate has left the building. The hospital building, that is. She was discharged this morning...

Thu, 06 Dec 2012 08:46:00 -0500

Duchess Kate has left the building.

The hospital building, that is. She was discharged this morning around 10:45 (London time) and was then whisked away by her prince to their cottage on the grounds of Kensington Palace, where she will remain for a period of rest.

And really, apart from looking a bit pale, Kate looked no worse for wear after spending 4 days in the hospital.

I mean of course incessant vomiting agrees with her?

This marks the end of the royal bump watch for a while, as I’m assuming Kate will stay holed up for a bit of R&R. But fingers crossed that she’ll be feeling up to attending next week’s London premiere of The Hobbit!

Until then, I’m going to start forming & laminating my list of Top 10 Royal Baby Names.

Educated guesses, obviously.

I guess we should have seen this coming. Forensic artist...

Wed, 05 Dec 2012 18:27:00 -0500

I guess we should have seen this coming.

Forensic artist (that’s a thing, did you know?) Joe Mullins has generated these images of what the royal baby may look like.

Of course at this point the child’s feet are still webbed and it doesn’t even have eyelids.

But there’s no harm in guessing, right?

Right. Just like there’s no harm in turning these little guys into 16x20 canvas paintings to go above my mantle either.

Let it be known that Kalingspoon is now a thing. In this week’s edition of (Hilarious) Ladies...

Tue, 04 Dec 2012 13:38:19 -0500

Let it be known that Kalingspoon is now a thing.

In this week’s edition of (Hilarious) Ladies Who Lunch, Reese and Mindy met up on Saturday at Tavern Restaurant in LA.

I don’t know what club this is or how to get invited. But I want in.

Okay look. Will & Kate’s royal baby annoucement has left me in cardiac arrest/tears/wet...

Mon, 03 Dec 2012 21:10:00 -0500

Okay look.

Will & Kate’s royal baby annoucement has left me in cardiac arrest/tears/wet pants, so I’m really in no condition to be writing. But I figure the least I can do is compile a simple list of thoughts for us all to dwell on.

Obviously the most important question. Boy or girl? Is it too much to ask for twins?
Wait if it IS twins…who is the rightful heir? Drama.
There is a royal baby live blog. You need to know about this.
What is the likelihood of this child having red hair?
Jessica Simpson’s eventual pregnancy announcement is not going to matter AT ALL. (!!!)
That’s what happens when you make the world wait an entire human gestational period before you even confirm you’re with child. I digress.
Can you imagine the royal baby showers? Tea for two!
I wish I had an Aunt Pippa.
Reports say Kate is NOT going to hire a nanny. Someone come pull me out of the heap of rubble that is my shattered dreams.
I’ve already pre ordered one of everything from the Temperley for Two maternity line. Just for safe measure.

Alright. If you’ll excuse me I need to go change my pants.

Well well well. Look who’s adding fuel to their own fire. Not that it needed any of course....

Sun, 02 Dec 2012 21:09:09 -0500

Well well well.

Look who’s adding fuel to their own fire.

Not that it needed any of course. For weeks now, all of Hollywood has been abuzz with whispers of a Harry Style/Taylor Swift romance.

And their stroll in Central Park(!!) this afternoon has turned those whispers into shouts of triumphant joy.

I have to say, I think this relationship has real potential. I expect lots of cable knit, hand holding, and some kind of acoustic duet.

But please no matching denim. (Looking at you, Justin & Britney.)