02 11 / 2012

As a woman, there is nothing more detrimental to your self confidence than staring at Carrie Underwood in a gorgeous gown.

Except for maybe staring at her in TWELVE gorgeous gowns.

For three hours.

Remind me why I watched the CMA’s again?

Ohhh yeah. Luke Bryan.

15 8 / 2012

Okay I’ve put this off long enough. I’m finally ready to talk about Carrie Underwood’s legs.

Or shall we call them—crazy tall towers of golden toned perfection?

Don’t answer that.

Ugh. They make me sick. And the worst part is that she actually uses them. She walks around on her own legs! If I had gams like those, I’d have them chopped off and put on display at the White House or something.

But I don’t. So there’s one less national treasure for all of you to worry about.

And I guess I understand why she wants to keep them, to serve as a constant reminder of how genetically blessed she is and whatnot.

But she should at least look into getting those things insured.

30 7 / 2012

I know, I know.

All I ever do these days is talk about Kate Middleton.

But it was either this photo of her at tonight’s Creative Industries Reception in London, or a lengthy discussion centering around a newly released photo of Carrie Underwood’s bikini body.

And trust me. You don’t want to see that. It will make you regret everything you’ve ever put in your mouth that was not a carrot stick or an ice cube.

Plus, Kate Middleton rarely wears her hair up, so this is kind of special.

Special in the way that—it reminds the entire world that she can literally pull off anything.

And there is nothing us mere mortals can do about it.