25 1 / 2013

Jennifer Lopez you look exactly like me trying to learn the Pythagorean theorem in 9th grade.

Minus the bronzer and mesh.

Okay there was like a little bronzer involved.

And you should know that I regularly confuse your boyfriend with Pitbull.

Good chat.

23 1 / 2013

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Guess I can’t put this off anymore.

Let’s talk about Beyonce. Did she or did she not lip sync?

I kind of think she did you guys. But I feel like if I say that too loudly the government will find me and haul me off to Alcatraz.

You know, I really don’t even see why it matters? We all know the woman can SANG. And we all know she was freezing and nervous and probably pregnant so just give her a break.

And that. Is how you start a rumor.

Plus. It’s not like she pulled an Ashlee Simpson.

06 1 / 2013

Sometimes I pretend Richard Gere & Diane Lane are my biological parents.

And my conception obviously took place in the Nights of Rodanthe house.

Which would explain both my love for the beach, and the only Gavin Rossdale song that I actually know, Love Remains the Same.

13 12 / 2012

This one has me confused. I mean absolutely stumped.

Is this a blossoming romance between two of the world’s most beloved pop stars?

Or is this a holiday Gap ad.

Could go either way. But I’m leaning very strongly towards the Gap ad.

10 12 / 2012

A weekend in review:

  • Kate Middleton is still throwing up. Bless her heart.
  • The cast of Downton Abbey attended a New York Knicks game. Out of costume. Almost went unrecognized.
  • Kim Kardashian’s kitten died. Have Mercy.
  • The Mistletones premiered on ABC Family! Because all anyone wants for Christmas is a musical starring Tori Spelling?
  • Taylor Swift & Harry Styles are still dating. (Happy 1 Week you guys!)
  • And wearing the same jeans.
  • Ryan Gosling still looks ridiculously attractive in cardigans.

06 12 / 2012

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Thatta girl, Demi.

Way to show Ashton Kutcher what he’s just got to be missing.

06 12 / 2012

Duchess Kate has left the building.

The hospital building, that is. She was discharged this morning around 10:45 (London time) and was then whisked away by her prince to their cottage on the grounds of Kensington Palace, where she will remain for a period of rest.

And really, apart from looking a bit pale, Kate looked no worse for wear after spending 4 days in the hospital.

I mean of course incessant vomiting agrees with her?

This marks the end of the royal bump watch for a while, as I’m assuming Kate will stay holed up for a bit of R&R. But fingers crossed that she’ll be feeling up to attending next week’s London premiere of The Hobbit!

Until then, I’m going to start forming & laminating my list of Top 10 Royal Baby Names.

Educated guesses, obviously.

04 12 / 2012

Let it be known that Kalingspoon is now a thing.

In this week’s edition of (Hilarious) Ladies Who Lunch, Reese and Mindy met up on Saturday at Tavern Restaurant in LA.

I don’t know what club this is or how to get invited. But I want in.

03 12 / 2012

Okay look.

Will & Kate’s royal baby annoucement has left me in cardiac arrest/tears/wet pants, so I’m really in no condition to be writing. But I figure the least I can do is compile a simple list of thoughts for us all to dwell on.

  • Obviously the most important question. Boy or girl? Is it too much to ask for twins?
  • Wait if it IS twins…who is the rightful heir? Drama.
  • There is a royal baby live blog. You need to know about this.
  • What is the likelihood of this child having red hair?
  • Jessica Simpson’s eventual pregnancy announcement is not going to matter AT ALL. (!!!)
  • That’s what happens when you make the world wait an entire human gestational period before you even confirm you’re with child. I digress.
  • Can you imagine the royal baby showers? Tea for two!
  • I wish I had an Aunt Pippa.
  • Reports say Kate is NOT going to hire a nanny. Someone come pull me out of the heap of rubble that is my shattered dreams.
  • I’ve already pre ordered one of everything from the Temperley for Two maternity line. Just for safe measure.

Alright. If you’ll excuse me I need to go change my pants.

02 12 / 2012

Well well well.

Look who’s adding fuel to their own fire.

Not that it needed any of course. For weeks now, all of Hollywood has been abuzz with whispers of a Harry Style/Taylor Swift romance.

And their stroll in Central Park(!!) this afternoon has turned those whispers into shouts of triumphant joy.

I have to say, I think this relationship has real potential. I expect lots of cable knit, hand holding, and some kind of acoustic duet.

But please no matching denim. (Looking at you, Justin & Britney.)