03 12 / 2012

Okay look.

Will & Kate’s royal baby annoucement has left me in cardiac arrest/tears/wet pants, so I’m really in no condition to be writing. But I figure the least I can do is compile a simple list of thoughts for us all to dwell on.

  • Obviously the most important question. Boy or girl? Is it too much to ask for twins?
  • Wait if it IS twins…who is the rightful heir? Drama.
  • There is a royal baby live blog. You need to know about this.
  • What is the likelihood of this child having red hair?
  • Jessica Simpson’s eventual pregnancy announcement is not going to matter AT ALL. (!!!)
  • That’s what happens when you make the world wait an entire human gestational period before you even confirm you’re with child. I digress.
  • Can you imagine the royal baby showers? Tea for two!
  • I wish I had an Aunt Pippa.
  • Reports say Kate is NOT going to hire a nanny. Someone come pull me out of the heap of rubble that is my shattered dreams.
  • I’ve already pre ordered one of everything from the Temperley for Two maternity line. Just for safe measure.

Alright. If you’ll excuse me I need to go change my pants.

20 9 / 2012

Maxwell, I feel bad for you. 

This really isn’t your fault. But apparently SOMEONE needs to tell you the truth,  so here goes nothin’. 

Um. How do I say this. You are not exempt from the “no white after Labor Day” rule just because you’re 4 months old. 

I mean, I didn’t expect Jessica Simpson to be the BEST mom in the world… 

But I thought she would at least cover the basics.

Maxwell, I feel bad for you.

This really isn’t your fault. But apparently SOMEONE needs to tell you the truth, so here goes nothin’.

Um. How do I say this. You are not exempt from the “no white after Labor Day” rule just because you’re 4 months old.

I mean, I didn’t expect Jessica Simpson to be the BEST mom in the world…

But I thought she would at least cover the basics.

15 8 / 2012

You know what George Clooney? Just don’t even bother coming back to America at this point.

I’m serious! It may not look like it, but we’re doing just fine here without you.

Oh George don’t believe me! It’s all a lie. We need you back on U.S. soil. It’s just awful here. Miley Cyrus cut her hair and she looks like Draco Malfoy. They let Bristol Palin back on Dancing With The Stars. Jessica Simpson’s dad got arrested?

This entire nation is completely lost without you.

Come home George. Please. Come home.