05 1 / 2013

Maybe it’s my decade long devotion to the movie Honey? Or maybe I just love a good fedora on the beach. But Jessica Alba & Cash Warren are quickly moving up on my list of favorite celebrity couples. Like way up.

I mean not Emma Stone & Andrew Garfield up. (NEVER!) But way above Katy Perry/John Mayer up.

Let’s be honest. Everyone is above Katy & John.

02 8 / 2012

Katy Perry. What are you doing sweetheart?

Get out of the car. Now.

Why do you insist on dating men who have chronic commitment issues? And hair longer than yours?

We all know how this will end, because John Mayer is exactly like Russell Brand. Except for alot more talented. And a little bit richer.

I mean, you’re friends with Taylor Swift. Didn’t you hear the song she wrote about him? Well let me clue you in, HE RUINS YOU.

So why don’t you just do yourself a favor, and get on out of the car.

Go find a nice young fellow who cuts his hair on a regular basis. Like Robert Pattinson, I hear he’s single.