15 4 / 2014

Why do you wear your hair like that? Your hair looks so sexy pushed back. George, will you please tell Kate her hair looks sexy pushed back?

Why do you wear your hair like that? Your hair looks so sexy pushed back. George, will you please tell Kate her hair looks sexy pushed back?

29 3 / 2014

OH SWEET LORD MY EYES. 

My eyes are no longer starved for beauty.

OH SWEET LORD MY EYES.

My eyes are no longer starved for beauty.

04 4 / 2013

We all know how I feel about Kate and her coats.

They make my speakers go boom-boom and stuff if you’re new around here.

But this one missed the mark for me. Don’t get me wrong I love the tartan print. (A clear nod to Scotland, where she & Will kicked off a 2-day tour this morning!)

But I do not love the Kardashian-length hem.

And I just feel like this coat is squishing her bump, you know? Let the little gal breath!

Or it could be a guy. I guess. Ugh.

12 1 / 2013

If my portraitist portrayed me one lip injection away from Angelina Jolie’s evil(er) twin, I’d subtly give him the bird too.

10 12 / 2012

A weekend in review:

  • Kate Middleton is still throwing up. Bless her heart.
  • The cast of Downton Abbey attended a New York Knicks game. Out of costume. Almost went unrecognized.
  • Kim Kardashian’s kitten died. Have Mercy.
  • The Mistletones premiered on ABC Family! Because all anyone wants for Christmas is a musical starring Tori Spelling?
  • Taylor Swift & Harry Styles are still dating. (Happy 1 Week you guys!)
  • And wearing the same jeans.
  • Ryan Gosling still looks ridiculously attractive in cardigans.

06 12 / 2012

Duchess Kate has left the building.

The hospital building, that is. She was discharged this morning around 10:45 (London time) and was then whisked away by her prince to their cottage on the grounds of Kensington Palace, where she will remain for a period of rest.

And really, apart from looking a bit pale, Kate looked no worse for wear after spending 4 days in the hospital.

I mean of course incessant vomiting agrees with her?

This marks the end of the royal bump watch for a while, as I’m assuming Kate will stay holed up for a bit of R&R. But fingers crossed that she’ll be feeling up to attending next week’s London premiere of The Hobbit!

Until then, I’m going to start forming & laminating my list of Top 10 Royal Baby Names.

Educated guesses, obviously.

05 12 / 2012

I guess we should have seen this coming.

Forensic artist (that’s a thing, did you know?) Joe Mullins has generated these images of what the royal baby may look like.

Of course at this point the child’s feet are still webbed and it doesn’t even have eyelids.

But there’s no harm in guessing, right?

Right. Just like there’s no harm in turning these little guys into 16x20 canvas paintings to go above my mantle either.

03 12 / 2012

Okay look.

Will & Kate’s royal baby annoucement has left me in cardiac arrest/tears/wet pants, so I’m really in no condition to be writing. But I figure the least I can do is compile a simple list of thoughts for us all to dwell on.

  • Obviously the most important question. Boy or girl? Is it too much to ask for twins?
  • Wait if it IS twins…who is the rightful heir? Drama.
  • There is a royal baby live blog. You need to know about this.
  • What is the likelihood of this child having red hair?
  • Jessica Simpson’s eventual pregnancy announcement is not going to matter AT ALL. (!!!)
  • That’s what happens when you make the world wait an entire human gestational period before you even confirm you’re with child. I digress.
  • Can you imagine the royal baby showers? Tea for two!
  • I wish I had an Aunt Pippa.
  • Reports say Kate is NOT going to hire a nanny. Someone come pull me out of the heap of rubble that is my shattered dreams.
  • I’ve already pre ordered one of everything from the Temperley for Two maternity line. Just for safe measure.

Alright. If you’ll excuse me I need to go change my pants.

28 11 / 2012

Well.

I was really hoping that Kate’s next major life change would have been a child.

But I’ll take fringe bangs.

I mean if you think about it they’re almost the same. Both require lots of patience & work, and most of the time they never do what you want them to.

23 10 / 2012

"I just met this girl who wore her hair in a claw clip. On purpose."