POP FICTION

Bless your heart Demi Lovato.

(That’s Southern Girl code for I’m about to bash you.)

Luckily for her/all of you—I’m too caught up in her hair to even address the rest of her ensemble.

I’ll be brief. Ponytails are really only for people who eat Hamburger Helper on a daily basis and/or live outside of Wal-Mart.

And Demi, you seem like the kind of person who eats a very balanced diet & lives in a scary huge mansion.

So to prevent any misconceptions, you should probably take your hair down like, immediately.

Just looking out for ya.

Let me just point something out for you Taylor Swift.

There is so much more that rhymes with Zac & Efron, than with Patrick & Schwarzenegger.

You think about that.

I love when Sophia Grace & Rosie attend award shows.

And I really love it when they win something.

Because when they say FANK YOU—I could die. Every time.

I mean come on. Fank you? That’s just adorable.

Okay Justin Bieber.

I understand that the Teen Choice Awards isn’t exactly a black tie affair.

But that does not give you an excuse to wear camo on a red carpet.

I don’t think your mentor, Usher Raymond, is going to be too thrilled about this one.

Honestly, have you learned nothing?

I’m in the pickle of all pickles.

I don’t know how this happened or who is responsible—but tonight I have been forced to choose between The Bachelorette finale, and the Teen Choice Awards.

Basically it’s just a question of which I would rather spend three hours doing: staring at Emily Maynard’s velveteen skin & twinkling veneers, or witnessing Demi Lovato make one questionable fashion choice after another. 

The answer should seem obvious but I just can’t decide. I’ve even made a list of pros & cons which was no help at all because both programs came out dead even.

I think at this point though, I’m leaning towards The Bachelorette. It just seems like the classier choice.

By that I mean there will be no appearances by a Jersey Shore cast member.